A time comes in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you
shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle
of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening...
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over
the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince
Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there
aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and
that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in
the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and
that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you
learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the
process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did
to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can
really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always
say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will
always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you
learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the
process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in
the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around
you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been
ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk
you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and
how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should
shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what
you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should
expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or
what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and
different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you
are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to
discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have
bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your
instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is
power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering
through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the
outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together
the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the
world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish
between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting
boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to
bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the
stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to
love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk
away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more
intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm
or the child that bears your name.
You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you
would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and
outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and
you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms,
just to make you happy.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and
come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a
perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your
head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing
things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of
entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things
and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is
necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love,
kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You
allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with
his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of
self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to
care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced
diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn
that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So
you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels
our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you
deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that
wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward
making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need
direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can
do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber
baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and
through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can
handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live
life on your terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a
cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you
don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad
things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you
learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you
or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.
You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You
learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be
understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you
and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you
are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple
things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the
earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a
soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take
responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a
promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than
your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you
can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to
keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side
you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design
the life you want to live as best as you can.
