Funny Star Sign - [Funny & Humourous Emails]

[Funny & Humourous Emails] - Star Sign

ARIES:  (Mar 23 – Apr 22) -   You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed  by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

TAURUS:  (Apr 23 – May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work  like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You’re nothing but a damned Communist.

GEMINI:  (May 23 – Jun 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap  bastard. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER:  (Jun 23 – July 22) -You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which make you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

LEO:  (Jul 23 – Aug 22) -You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo  people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

VIRGO: (Aug 23 – Sep 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your family, friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall  asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA: (Sep 23 – Oct 22) -You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are  male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of Venereal Diseases.

SCORPIO: (Oct 22 – Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You  shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS: (Nov 23 – Dec 22) – You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you has no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are worthless piece of shit.

CAPRICORN: (Dec 23 – Jan 22) -   You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

AQUARIUS: Jan 23 – Feb 22) -   You have an intuitive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking asshole.

PISCES: (Feb 23 – Mar 22) -   You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advices. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

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